Eye Opening

I met with E for lunch. He has been going through a hard time and has been sad/depressed. Even if we aren't dating and things have gone bad and awkward, I still care for his well-being. So I went to visit him during his lunch. Also, I guess his lunch lasts for 3 hours because I was there hanging out with him and catching up.

He and I chat on FB, but don't hang out in person. Partly due to the fact that I still have a bit of resentment towards him, but because I'd rather spend my time with the new guy (A, yes that will be his nickname). So today was a chance to cheer E up and hang out for a bit.

As I've written before, E and I have had a weird relationship. I was very much into him while we dated and then strung along by him while he had a gf. I know I know. I shouldn't be talking to him, but he was there for me when I felt like my world was crashing around me. So even if he did me wrong, I still felt compelled to talk to him and see if I could be there for him. Perhaps I'm too nice.

But the conversation between him and I went in a strange direction. He seemed to be very interested in my relationship (budding relationship) with A. E seems to be very interested in A and asks about him almost every time we chat. I had always guessed that he was jealous, but it was confirmed today when E admitted it to me.

He asked me if we were officially boyfriend and girlfriend and I adamantly said NO. Not that he wouldn't be a good boyfriend, I just don't think I can handle a boyfriend right now….. Or maybe I don't know what I want. But the rest of our "lunch" was him telling me that it was so hard to get to know me. And that I would never open up while E and I dated. and he always thought I was not as interested in him as he was into me.

I was dumbfounded. Although the conversation is moot now. This was an eye opening point to make to me. I know I keep myself as guarded, but never had anyone told me that it kept them from wanting to be in a relationship with me. He also then kept prying about A. And concluded that I must really like A. And I should tell him how I feel before I do the same thing I did with E.

Dammit, but E knows me too well.

In the movies/tv and even other blogs, I've read that girls who are too aggressive about talking about their feelings and about relationship status' are not desired. But E said that's what he wanted from me. Have I been conditioned to be too aloud and apathetic for my own good?