Relocating

I’m not sure what came over me in terms of finally being able to want to write again. But the motivation and excitement is somewhat back. So as long as this momentum lasts, I’m going to keep it up.

With newfound motivation, comes a new blog all together. I’m not going to ask that you email me to get the URL like I have done in the past for fear of my Ex. I think I’ve spent too much time, or rather wasted too much time being afraid of what he will or won’t do. I’ve spent these last two years moving past this and I hope he does the same. I’m in a new place, a new person so I hope he is too and we can both move along and find happiness in our lives……separately of course.

I’ve learned some rules on the way that I want to follow for this blogs duration:
1. As excited as I am to share and talk about my blog, I will not tell my friends about it. Those who already read it…..well I can’t do anything about that. But just don’t go revealing my identity to any people I’m dating
2. I WILL NOT tell anyone I’m dating about this blog.
3. As inspired as I am, I will hold off from writing at work
4. I’ll choose better nicknames to conceal those I’m dating
5. I’ll try and get some male perspectives to add to thise
6. And I will ALWAYS remain completely honest.

Being the Craigslist Dating Whore has been lovely, but I think with the downturn of CL, I find my dates/dating from other venues online and in real life. Because of that, I thought I would start a new blog that would still be the same me, all about sex and dating, but a different name to go with the times. I figure change is good. So here will be a look at my dating escapades. But I’ll be continuing to share my stories HERE.

So let’s go.

When it rains....

It pours.

Since the seasons have changed from summer to fall, things have seems busy and packed with unexpected things.

I must admit, one of my favor seasons is autumn. I love the change of the leaves, the cooler nights and I get to bring out my endless scarf collection. I've also noticed that I've been going out on many more dates than normal. Now for me, normal may be one or two a week. But in the past couple weeks, I've gone out with at least 7 guys. Maybe back then I first started this blog, that wouldn't have been a lot. But it feels like a whirlwind of dates. I think I'm finally in the mindset to get out and date. Mind you, safe and secure dating. I wi google the shit out of someone before I agree to meet up with them. I will not tell them about my blog. And I'll be more careful with how I nickname people.

I guess this post is my re-dedication to my blog and to the love of writing I one had before I was too afraid to share my thoughts and feelings in an open, yet anonymous medium. But I am honestly going to attempt to get to the blogger and perhaps dated I once was.

So readers, if there are any left, stay tuned. I'll be uploading all of the posts I've written in the past. And I wanna start a new blog. I haven't been using CL as much so it seems a little weird to still use the handle. I'll post more deets when I figure it all out.

Love, X

Work Crush

Dear Work Crush,

Now that technically we are no longer coworkers, since my internship ended, I think we should totally make out.

That is all.

Love, X

Summer Fling

Well the relationship I started has come to an end. I decided to put myself into the relationship and try to make it work. But it didn't work out. I guess most girls might be upset over a break up. But I seem to be coping just fine. And really, I'm not mad/sad/jealous at all. I'm just kinda bored now haha.

But I guess that's what summer flings are. Someone to pass the time and have fun during the summer months. Oh and have amazing sex! By far the best time spent with him. ;)

And with fall approaching, I have school, looking for new work and an art show to work on. And that all means getting to meet new people and new guys. Holler!

So if any of you have summer flings coming to an end, don't worry about whether or not they will transition into the fall with you, just chill.

Taking out the Trash

How is it that I have phone numbers from guys I've met on CL, POF or OKC and I have no idea who they are? 

I don't usually do heavy cleaning or monitoring of who's in my phonebook, but I decided to go through the list to get rid of numbers since I am bored at work. And as I'm going through them (Friends….. Family….. Work…… Who's this?!), I really have a hard time remembering some of the people. Honestly, I doubt I even met some of the people in person. But I did text a lot. So if anything, these people were all texting buddies. I figure I better just clean out my phone now. I have my new "person" and I wanna have things stay drama free. In the event that he gets crazy, psycho, jealous, or any other kind of weird, at least I won't have "John Doe CL" or "Mr. Smith OKC" in my phone to spark a fight later on. 

Fool be once....

I'm trying this again. And I've managed to get myself into a relationship. He's fun, creative and makes me laugh.

Let's hope it will last.

Bonjour!

I'll be Paris bound in a few days. I'm looking forward to a vacation, being in Europe and having time to think of my mother. She and I always talked about taking a trip to Paris together ever since I was little. This is probably where my crush for Paris started. And I hope it's all I imagine it to be.

If You're Gonna Play the Game, Know the Rules

I put some pictures up and was my cute, coy alluring self. Needless to say, I received many MANY responses. And I know for guys, you get bots, spammers and whatever else, but rarely an actual girl. So guys were surprised to have a real girl write to them. 

The thing is, if I'm writing you, yea I'm interested and something you have said or shown (AKA you're cute) has enticed me. But be warned, I'm going to google you. I'm going to see if you're a crazy, a weirdo, a murderer, etc. In one instance, I was writing this guy for a few days. He was cute and funny and we got along well. We talked on the phone and there seemed to be chemistry. But we were still both strangers to one another. In the time that I had talked to him and emailed him, I knew:

- His full name

- Where he went to school

- Where he lives

- His dogs name

- Where he works

_ And his very uniquely spelled last name

So when I ended up googling him, I find out he is either married or has a sister he is very close with. How did I find this? It turns out, he doesn't have a Facebook. But when I goggled his name, there was a site that listed all the home buyers and sellers of the particular neighborhood where he lived. So his name plus his wife's name was there as well as the latest buyers of the home. 

So of course I search for her on Facebook. Again, really uncommon and unique last name. And there she is with a picture of him. There's the same state he grew up in. There's the same dog he told me about. 

Dude, if you're going to lie and look for ladies on CL? At least make it less easy to find you online through a few clicks of the mouse. Not that I think cheating is right. I've done it and it kinda ruined things for me emotionally. But if you're going to play the online dating game, know the rules and know that people are going to search for you. It's a given. 

Whether or not you have ill will, just be safe and don't be so transparent to the point where personal information about yourself can be easily displayed for any yahoo (myself included) can look you up. If you're going to do the online dating route:

- Create an email just for chatting/corresponding to potential dates

- Don't give out your last name

- Keep things vague till you know them well enough

These are words of advice from me a long time CL Dater. 

A weekend away

I went put of town for the long weekend with some friends including the friend I have been in-like with for sometime. We actually ended up sharing the same bed. But sorry to disappoint, but nothing happened.

We pretty much laughed and giggled in bed like two friends and whispered throughout the night. Not much sexual tension there at all. But I did come the realization that nothing should happen. He's a good friend who won't judge or make me feel bad and I need to get over him.

And in all honesty, I don't think I can be with him in the sexual sense anymore. I thought sharing a bed with him, I'd be sad and lonely. But I really wasn't. I was more interested in sleeping than wanting to jump him. So I'm assuming my lack of sexual desires with him is a sign.

A sign that I need someone who I can be myself around as a friend and a lover. But it seems as though I only get one or the other.

When was the last time....

You had phone sex? If not, you really should.

That is all.

While waiting for the bus....

My bus is running late so I thought I'd write what's on my mind. Ive written about G in my big update post. I know the whole prison should be the red flag, and yet I'm still talking to him.

But the other day, he dropped this huge bomb on me. He was texting me while I was getting dinner with my dad. And wanted me to call him. So later, here's part of the convo.

"So back in 1998, I had a baby."
"Huh?"
"I have a daughter. She's 13 now."
"No way!"
"No I'm serious."
"Whoa...."
"And she is telling me how she wants to live with me."
"Whoa."

When he told me this, I was pretty astonished. I just didn't see that coming and kinda blew my mind. Maybe a little girl like 4-7 I would have been more understanding, but just knowing she's 13 kinda freaks me out. Is it wrong for me to feel this way? Thoughts?

I Melt With You

If you haven't seen it, I recommend you see the movie I Melt With You. I won't give away the end, but it surrounds around the lives of four men in their forties meeting for a week of escape, self indulgence and debauchery while bonding over where the time has passed in their lives. 

I'm sitting here in the car dealership getting some work done on my car (I just got a brand new 2012 car), so I'm getting the windows tinted. This movie certainly wasn't what I expected and I didn't intend to blog from a car dealership, but here I am. 

I guess I can't digress much about the movie w/o ruining it, so just go watch it. It's that good and really gets you thinking about the moments in our lives when are truly the happiest. And if we can't get to that place again, what happens? Do we hold on to that moment as long as possible? Do we try and forget it? 

That is all. Go watch the movie. Oh and FYI, this probs isn't a good date movie. The girl will not want to do it afterwards. Haha. 

Awkward Hair Day

It's a little awkward when I can't  move my head a certain way or flip my hair. I love to have my neck bitten or sucked on, but the downside is massive bruises and hickies. I don't want questions or looks at the new job. So for now, my hair will remain down. Thank goodness I made the decision to grow my hair out two years ago, or else I'd be sporting scarves all week. 

Ahhh the single life of Elle X. 

This is My Confession

It was a night of confessions and long awaited explanations. I had made dinner plans to meet up with a guy I dated back on the fall. We saw one another pretty often and I was genuinely happy being around him. And even if the sex kinda sucked, I was kinda willing to give it chance and think "maybe there's more to a relationship than sex?" Hahaha! I know what was I thinking? But even someone has a really good connection, similar interests, job industry, etc if there's not that physical connection or intimacy, it doesn't work for me. I really need it all. 

But he and I hadn't really spoken/seen one another since January. So out of the blue, we agree to meet and have dinner. He picked me up form my apt and I playfully asked if he remembered where I lived since he hadn't been there for SOO long. I thought it was cute and fun. Anyways, dinner was good and we caught up on things. It didn't seem that weird or awkward and we really got into talking about our jobs and how much the related, how much we liked them and so on. Since none of my friends really understand what it is I do sometimes, it's nice to have someone to talk to about it and REALLY get it. Just saying. 

On the way back to my apt, he begins to explain why we hadn't been talking in several months. 

Him: So… Not to make this awkward, but I think we should be friends.

Me: Yea sure.

Him: Well I didn't know how to say it to you then. And I think you're really cool, but I think it's better if we're friends. 

Me: Alright.

Him: And I guess I didn't know how to tell you that so we just ended up not hanging out for a few months. 

Me: Well to be honest, when you started to ignore me and blow me off, I kinda got the hint. 

Him: Oh ok. 

Me: And for the record, you could have told me months ago and saved the trouble of appearing douchey. Just saying. 

I finally had an answer for why I was getting blown off. I mean, like I said in a previous post, I sensed something was off. But now it was confirmed. 

The night ended with he and I talking a bit in my apt and then he left to go back home. We agreed to be friends and hang out more now that we're "just friends". It may or may not be an empty promise on my part. I don't really have feelings for him anymore, but I also don't like the fact that he took the cowardly way out of letting me know he didn't like me like that. What's weird is not he's very active in following me on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook or at least more active in my posts. Maybe, it's "safer" now. Hmmm.... 

But please, if you're in this kind of situation, just say how you feel. Grow some balls!

Speaking of growing a pair, this interaction prompted me to just tell my friend** how I felt about him. I realized that not saying anything is worse than saying something. So I did. I told him that since we have been seeing one another so much that I have developed feelings for him that are more than just "i-love-you" as a friend kind of way. 

Unfortunately, he does not feel the same way. I was a little bummed at that moment and thought my new found openness and vulnerability would have led to a good turn of events, but I was wrong. However, he was probably the best person to admit these feelings to because he gave me the nicest rejection known to man with things like:

- I love hanging out with you and look forward to seeing you

- You're one of my favorite people

- I think we have a connection

- You make me laugh

- I'm just not in the space to reciprocate those feelings

He let me down very easy and it's not like he's rejecting me as a person, since we are still good friends. I thought it would take time for me to be able to hang out with him again so soon due to my recent confession, but instead we hung out this weekend. Taking a (LONNG ASS) drive to see some tulip farms and then going to a mutual friend's birthday party. The feelings are still there. The feelings are out in the open. But I still have a very good and loyal friend. So I can't ask for anything more from him and that will have to be ok. 

But in the mean time, I'm out looking for more dates. Any takers? LOL 

 I Instgrammed this just for you ^_^ LOL 

Inspired Update Post

For some reason I decided to chat with an old hook up. I had written about him off and on because that's what we had, an off and on messing around kind of thing. He and I haven't talked in a while, and I think the last time we did, it didn't end well. I don't remember the exact conversation. He was kind of an asshole (his words, not mine) and I was an emotional roller coaster with the trauma over my mom and the death threat of my ex. All in all, the mixture of those two things were a bad combination.

I had thought about what he was up to the other day, and I decided to IM him. He and I would chat back and forth through out the off and on times we had. So I was pretty sure we would be online. And he was. If def felt strange to be chatting with again. It was familiar yet, different. We're both different people. I'm finally finding a new normal in my life; school, new job, meds to keep me leveled out. And he is engaged and seem genuinely happy. And I'm sincerely happy for him. This one chat has evolved into daily chatting off and on throughout our work days. Similar to what we used to do. But less laced with the underlying motivation to hook up.

Strange as it may be, I don't really have any ill feelings toward him. Yes, he was a douche to me. He even admitted it and apologized for it, which was a surprise to me, but very thoughtful. As a longtime reader, I'm sure he will feel flattered to once again grace the pages of my blog. During our random conversations, he asks about my love/dating life. Since I have shared with him, I felt like I should share with everyone else too. Here goes.

The graphic designer/artist guy I was dating in September isn't really in the picture that much. I was kinda right with my spidey senses telling me things were fizzling out. So I'm not too shocked. And I must say, the sex wasn't too good. He's a very nice person and a talented artist and we can still be friends, right?

I met NS at a bar I frequent a lot. Ok it's actually a karaoke bar I go to. NS and I had seen one another a few times there and ended up talking. Later he found me OKC where we exchanged phone numbers and agreed to meet up outside the bar. There was one moment when I slept over at his house, but not much happened other than sleeping and some making out/touching. He’s alright but I don’t think much will happen. I think we are better as friends. Also, I have a good friend** who lives right next door to his work. So more times he sees me with my friend**, than with him.

Next there’s G. He and I met on POF. He would have been my type when I was high school. He’s Filipino and has the bad boy/slightly ghetto appeal. A red flag probably would have been when he told me he was in prison for 2 years for aggravated assault, but he has been nothing but nice to me. We have gone out a few times and the last time we hung out (last week) we ended up sleeping together. Not going to lie, it was pretty good and I woke up sore the next day haha.

I met NN through the one CL post I made about a month ago. I wanted to see if I could manage to get back into the CL dating world. And HOLY MOLY! I forgot how much time it consumes to read through the responses, find the ones you want to reply to and then put the effort into getting to know someone to want to meet them in real life. It’s a freaking job!! Through getting to know him, I find out that he had some classes with my friend** and Seattle, like I have always said, is a small world. But one night after chatting and texting, NN came over to spend the night. It was clear that his 11pm arrival was for a hook up. No nonsense. I thought it would be a one night thing, but now we seem to have this flirty thing going on via text and phone calls. A few weeks ago we went to the Emerald City Comicon (Yea I like comics! What of it!?)And it was just sweet and cute to hold his hand. I don’t think I have walked around holding someone’s hand since the Ex. So when we held hands it def took me by surprise. I had plans after, so we couldn’t hang out longer. But I look forward to what will happen when we hang out again.

Ok so through this post, I’m sure you have noticed that I have written friend**. I may or may not be “in like” with my good friend. But am too chicken to say anything or do anything about it. We have a lot in common, similar family background/structure and he’s someone I would jump at the chance to be with. But I hold back. He’s seem me at my worst and I’ve had such emotional conversations that I end up crying. So he knows me. Ugh!!

And so, that sums up a recap of me and my dating life. Thank my once hook-up-now-online-chat-friend for the inspiration to write this post.