This is My Confession

It was a night of confessions and long awaited explanations. I had made dinner plans to meet up with a guy I dated back on the fall. We saw one another pretty often and I was genuinely happy being around him. And even if the sex kinda sucked, I was kinda willing to give it chance and think "maybe there's more to a relationship than sex?" Hahaha! I know what was I thinking? But even someone has a really good connection, similar interests, job industry, etc if there's not that physical connection or intimacy, it doesn't work for me. I really need it all. 

But he and I hadn't really spoken/seen one another since January. So out of the blue, we agree to meet and have dinner. He picked me up form my apt and I playfully asked if he remembered where I lived since he hadn't been there for SOO long. I thought it was cute and fun. Anyways, dinner was good and we caught up on things. It didn't seem that weird or awkward and we really got into talking about our jobs and how much the related, how much we liked them and so on. Since none of my friends really understand what it is I do sometimes, it's nice to have someone to talk to about it and REALLY get it. Just saying. 

On the way back to my apt, he begins to explain why we hadn't been talking in several months. 

Him: So… Not to make this awkward, but I think we should be friends.

Me: Yea sure.

Him: Well I didn't know how to say it to you then. And I think you're really cool, but I think it's better if we're friends. 

Me: Alright.

Him: And I guess I didn't know how to tell you that so we just ended up not hanging out for a few months. 

Me: Well to be honest, when you started to ignore me and blow me off, I kinda got the hint. 

Him: Oh ok. 

Me: And for the record, you could have told me months ago and saved the trouble of appearing douchey. Just saying. 

I finally had an answer for why I was getting blown off. I mean, like I said in a previous post, I sensed something was off. But now it was confirmed. 

The night ended with he and I talking a bit in my apt and then he left to go back home. We agreed to be friends and hang out more now that we're "just friends". It may or may not be an empty promise on my part. I don't really have feelings for him anymore, but I also don't like the fact that he took the cowardly way out of letting me know he didn't like me like that. What's weird is not he's very active in following me on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook or at least more active in my posts. Maybe, it's "safer" now. Hmmm.... 

But please, if you're in this kind of situation, just say how you feel. Grow some balls!

Speaking of growing a pair, this interaction prompted me to just tell my friend** how I felt about him. I realized that not saying anything is worse than saying something. So I did. I told him that since we have been seeing one another so much that I have developed feelings for him that are more than just "i-love-you" as a friend kind of way. 

Unfortunately, he does not feel the same way. I was a little bummed at that moment and thought my new found openness and vulnerability would have led to a good turn of events, but I was wrong. However, he was probably the best person to admit these feelings to because he gave me the nicest rejection known to man with things like:

- I love hanging out with you and look forward to seeing you

- You're one of my favorite people

- I think we have a connection

- You make me laugh

- I'm just not in the space to reciprocate those feelings

He let me down very easy and it's not like he's rejecting me as a person, since we are still good friends. I thought it would take time for me to be able to hang out with him again so soon due to my recent confession, but instead we hung out this weekend. Taking a (LONNG ASS) drive to see some tulip farms and then going to a mutual friend's birthday party. The feelings are still there. The feelings are out in the open. But I still have a very good and loyal friend. So I can't ask for anything more from him and that will have to be ok. 

But in the mean time, I'm out looking for more dates. Any takers? LOL 

 I Instgrammed this just for you ^_^ LOL