Many don't know, but my mom had a fast progression of terminal brian cancer. It was diagnosed in the middle of July and she passed away this past Friday. My summer seemed to fly by me as I watched my mom endure failed chemo treatments and get worse. In her last days, she was in a nursing home. My dad was not able to take care of her and she needed round the clock care. Her older brothers visited and say their goodbyes. It was good for her to see them and vice versa.
As for me, I am numb to most of it. I keep thinking I'm going to get to hear her voice. Or I will see her when I stop by the house like always.
It's a strange feeling to feel.
I offer condolences to anyone who has ever lost a loved one. It feels horrible.
Sorry this is not what I have normally written, but this is what is on my mind. I needed to share/vent/release/blog. So here I am, bearing my innermost thoughts to you all (if there are any readers left).
I hope to write again soon.
There's nothing anyone could say here that would make it any less awful. But somehow I feel the need to say something - anything - if only to let you know you're not alone in the world.
ReplyDeleteYou matter. And your feelings matter. And this terrible thing that has happened matters.
If I believed in anything, I'd pray for you. Instead, I'll just let you know that even though we've never met, and I've never spoken to you, and we'll probably always remain strangers, it makes me sad that life has fucked with you in this way. You don't deserve it.
That's all I've got. Sorry it isn't better.
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. As a long time reader, I was happy when Google Reader spit up a whole bunch of entries over the weekend (must have to do with public/private settings of your blog). But I read in sadness as you describe what your family was going through.
ReplyDeleteSending you good vibes to get through this tough time. <3
I'm so sorry to hear about your mother. I don't have much else to say other than I'm still reading and you're in my thoughts!
ReplyDelete(hugs)
ReplyDelete