Boston Weekend Recap

*Warning: Long post of ramblings

My performance was fun and I even made $20 in donations from the cover. I was a little nervous at first, but got into my groove after a while. It's crazy that I just started writing poetry just a year ago. You readers know I've been writing for years on here. But I don't usually perform what I write here. So being able to perform and share has been fun. And I guess I'm a national poet now? A lot of people came up to me afterward telling me I did a good job. Even this cute Asian (I'm assuming Filipino) guy came up to me. Wish I got his digits or fb. Haha!

Hung out with HELLA friends.

I had a long list of people I wanted to hang out with for my long weekend. A lot of them were people I met at a conference we all attended in Seattle. So it was nice for them to show me around town. And there were other friends who moved out to Boston. But overall, I spent a lot of time with good people. There was lots of shopping (I even thought of A and got him a gift), LOTS of drinking and lots of laughter. What more could I have asked for?

I ended up seeing Boston….. eventually

After he said I couldn't stay with him, I was a little disappointed. But I still hoped that he would want to see me. Since I had a lot of things planned for the weekend, I texted Boston here and there asking what he was up to, or if he wanted to meet up. But he didn't. I got the sense that he was avoiding me which was probably the case. I don't really know why I kept trying to see if he wanted to see me. I just was irked.

On one of the last nights I was in town, I met up with an old coworker who now lives in Boston. We met up at this bar in Brookline. Immediately when I stepped off the train, I recognized the area. I remembered that Boston lived in Brookline, but I didn't remember what the road or intersection he lived at. But once I got off the train, I knew he lived a block away.

I went into the bar to meet my friends. Earlier in the day texted Boston one last time telling him i'd me at such and such bar at this time. He said he might be available but has to go for a run, watch football and clean his apt. Wow. Glad I know his priorities. By the time I got to the bar, he texted me saying he'd stop by for a drink.

As he walked into the door, all the feelings I had for him rushed to my head. I remembered the last time I saw him. And deep down wished it would be the same. But instead, the next few hours were completely awkward. For the most part, I think my friends enjoyed meeting him and talking to him. But I just felt weird. I was thinking about Boston and thinking about A. So I probably seemed distracted.

Later Boston suggested going to his place and/or getting dinner and hanging out. He then said he'd take me back to my hotel so I wouldn't have to spend money on a cab. It was thoughtful, but I was still skeptical at his thoughtfulness. We got to his apt and it was the same as before. Unlike before when we went directly to his bedroom, we spent the evening in his living room. He watched a football game and we ordered food in. And that was it, nothing happened. I don't know if I expected something to happen, but I wouldn't have rejected it.

On the ride back to my hotel, it was kind of an awkward moment (Not like all of the other moments with him were that easy). But I asked him about the girl he was seeing. What she was like, if they had fun together, etc. I probably shouldn't have asked, but I was curious. He then asked about A. Our answers to one another were vague and aloof. Since Boston and I have had feelings for one another and we have awkward sexual tension/chemistry, it's so hard to talk about the people we are dating. What usually happens is either one of us or both of us are dating someone and we don't talk. But then when we become single, we end up talking more.

That's the pattern he and I have. It's dysfunctional and weird. But I just can't seem to let it/him go. As for right now, he's seeing someone and so am I. It is what it is.