I slept with E the other night. Immediately I regretted the decision. And it was pretty much my fault. I realize I have no good judgement when I'm around him. I eat shitty food. I make shitty decisions. And he's not a good person. As I write this post, I'm making a disgusted look on my face. I'm actually trying to work on a paper in the library. Hopefully I don't freak anyone out. LOL

But yes, this just adds to my self destructive path I am on right now. And it's weird that I can't seem to make the right decisions to change direction. But the more I analyze myself, the more questionable things I do. It is what it is. I suppose I will have to let it ride out.

In terms of E, I was trying to pretend it didn't exist and that I would just forget that it happened. But while on fn he sends me a message.

"i had fun the other night. i hope it was good"

Le sigh. There was at one point a time when I really liked him, but now just think it's kind of sad and pathetic for him to need the gratification of knowing he was good. When I read it, I just rolled my eyes and became irritated. I hope he doesn't think that this is will be an ongoing thing. In fact, I needed to be straight up and tell him i didn't want to do that again.

The more I have gotten to know E. I have come to realize how insecure he really is. He's one of those guys who needs the attention of multiple women to feel better. And what's worse is he explains it's because his ex-wife cheated on him 7 years ago and he can't be true to one girl. Kinda wish I was told this when he and I were seeing one another. I would have bailed right away. Letting out your insecurities is fine and dandy, but I doubt many people think it's attractive. It's just awkward to hear them. And for me, I don't know what to say. So pretty much I deflect as much as possible. I'm not about to let out mine. It's not a you share, I share moment. I still think confidence is the most attractive quality. Doesn't mean you have to be an asshole, but it does mean you have faith in yourself. So many guys lack this and I find it quite boring.