Taking A Study Break

I've thought long and hard about what to do about the blog. I've deleted it and undeleted it, blogger lets you do this.

I'm going to try and not get into the sordid details of my hiatus, but things have been rough. Being in a toxic relationship and the death of my mom has forever changed me. I'm not the same and in all honesty, I don't know if I can ever be the same again. I know it's cliche to say I will take things "one day at a time" but that's what I'm trying to do. I have to.

I remember when I first started this blog, it was a way to vent, to be creative, to have some fun writing about my life. At the time, it was about dating. Dating is fun. People like to read about dating/dates and the occasional mentioning of sex. We live in a hyper-charged sexual society that calls for instant gratification. I fit right in!

I eventually developed a persona and wrote about my exploits as a dater in Seattle. It was fun and I do not regret it for one bit. I was in two magazines and asked to be on a talk show (turned down the talk show offer). And at the height of what you could call "my success" I tried to give it up to be with a guy. I thought I was doing the right thing at the time. Even if he thought I wasn't in it whole heartedly, I tried to be. And who is to say if I made the wrong choice now. It's what I chose then and one can't look back on things in the past.

So here I am today, more life experiences than I could have asked for as a Mid 20-Something-er. A lot has happened, as you may know. But I got accepted into grad school. Go me! The day I submitted my application was the day my mom passed away. So it was a welcomed changed when I found out I would be going back to school in January. As far as school, I love it. I'm studying something interesting and up and coming. Maybe I will share later.

School is also a really good distraction from other things. Burying my nose in books and articles and working on projects has consumed my life. I sometimes get really introverted now and don't leave my apartment. I def feel broken at times. I do have a therapist to help deal with my grief and loss. She asked me what makes me happy. I didn't know how to answer that at the time. So she gave me an assignment. I'm to do something that I enjoy doing. And I choose this.

I remembered how much fun I had in writing. Yes, the dates were fun…err sometimes not so much fun. But it was the chance to write and get my thoughts out there that was the appeal. I don't know how else to explain it. But just writing this post, the words have flowed out like riding a bike. And just like taking in a deep breath and letting out a huge sigh, this is what writing this post feels like.

I've missed it.

This is what I chose to do, to write. So I'm here, hoping to take baby steps to keep writing. Please bear with me.

-X